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lb_leeWhile at the public library (visiting our new best friend, the book scanner), we scanned the in-library-use-only copy of Sandra J. Hocking and Company's Living With Your Selves: a survival manual for people with multiple personalities. From 1992, it's the earliest medical-multi self-help book that I know of. (EDIT: incorrect! Jackyln Pia's Multiple Personality Gift, from 1991, predates it and has been posted online.) (Also, EDIT 9/25/23: I have replaced the link with the complete scan of the book I made later. No material is missing from this new file!)
Hocking and Company are unusual in that she/they are/were one of the few publicly out medical-multis who managed to publish more than one book in their lifetime! (I'm going to flail at names and pronouns because integration plus multiple names means I'm not sure what the proper way to refer to Hocking is.) Hocking's full bibliography that I know of is:
The cultural context of Hocking and Company
Before we dig into the content of Living With Your Selves, I want to give some context for the culture when Hocking and Company debuted her/their book.
In 1992, the only forms of medical-multi community that I know of (asides from informal friend groups where people just happened to realize they were all multiple), were therapeutic support groups, therapeutic conventions (most of which were for doctors, not patients), the Many Voices newsletter, BBS through the phone line, and alt.sexual.abuse.recovery on Usenet, which was not multi-specific. Alt.support.dissociation wouldn't exist until 1994. Neither would the soulbonders, and their discussions of fictivity and the influence of media (and they probably came later still). With the exception of support groups (the earliest record I have of one of those in 1980) and possibly conventions, all of these venues look to be less than five years old: Many Voices started up in February 1989, the first multi BBS I have record of dates from December 1991, and alt.sexual.abuse.recovery existed by December 1991.
Living With Your Selves came out in July 1992.
Please, let that information sit.
Imagine only having, at best, three years of multi community to draw from, asides from crusty old library books, many of which were written by therapists, not multiples themselves. Imagine having one semi-relevant Usenet group, one newsletter, and a phone line with which to interact with other multiples without a doctor (and their payment!) as the go-between. Multiples at this time were notorious for having horribly enmeshed, parasitic relationships with their therapists, and that's because they controlled most of the access to information about being multiple. Doctors really were the arbiters of medical-multi culture for YEARS, and that's a terrible thing! Unless you were a hardcore tech nerd (remember, this is before Google! This is before ALTAVISTA!) or lucked onto a copy of Many Voices, your ability to interact with other multiples depended on your ability to find and pay for a doctor to hook you up, and only with that doctor's oversight... unless you were extremely lucky and just blundered into knowing other multiples at your women's group or something.
With this in mind, Hocking and Company's book was revolutionary. She/they chose to make it by themselves, got a publisher, and made it happen. They have a preface from Colin Ross (footnote), but they made the book, not him.
Okay, with that stated, let's dig into some of the content of this book!
Terminology in Use:
In Living With Your Selves, "singleton" was the word of choice for singlets. (This jives with past research I've done; the first notation of "singlet" I've found is October 5, 1992, in Astraea's BBS records, coined by Astraea's ex, which Living With Your Selves predates. Since Hocking was a reader/submitter of Many Voices, it seems likely she/they picked up the word from there, and seeing as the archive is not at all screenreadable, I haven't had a chance to totally dig into that archive to track the word. "System" and "system members" are both terms used, in the same ways they are today.
Various Quotes and Bits:
A lot of Living With Your Selves shows its age, as one can only expect after thirty years. Here are some quotes that I find historically relevant and interesting:
There are statements regarding therapy and diagnosis that I find unrealistic (such as the staunch recommendation to get a therapist, no matter the cost, and that one should NEVER attempt diagnosing/recognizing oneselves without therapeutic oversight), but there are also some really good ideas! For example: if you are queer, come out before your first appointment, so as to spare yourself some heartache and homophobia. There's also the encouragement to "develop a network of [non-shrink] people to call so you don't burn out one person. They love you, so it's difficult for them to repeatedly hear your pain. Ask them periodically if it's becoming too much for them to handle" (38). This is very good advice!
This is also the only multi book I can recall off the top of my head that gives some basic, "these are red flags, these are things therapists should NEVER do, run like hell if these ever happen" information, specifically around sexual harassment, gifts, going into business together, and so on. (pg. 41-43). It also discusses recognizing what might be your trauma talking, and what is no-kidding-for-real bad news.
Living With Your Selves doesn't quite predate the False Memory Syndrome Foundation (it reared its ugly head in March 1992, just barely before the book's release), but it does engage with the specter of false memories succinctly, but in the most down-to-earth and sensible way I've seen: "Memories are kind of like shoes; it's normal to try on somebody else's memory to see if it fits. [...] If it doesn't belong to you, eventually the memory will begin to pinch, and you'll discard it. [...] If it's your memory, you'll keep it. If it's not, you won't." (35) I don't know how well this holds up, but that's because I have had the DAMNEDEST time finding medical-multi resources that deal with false memories at all without panic and moral hysteria, thanks to folks like the False Memory Syndrome Foundation.
Hocking comes from a ritual abuse background, but discusses it pretty matter-of-factly. "Programming and brainwashing are terms that [...] seem to convey helplessness and powerlessness. In reality, programming and brainwashing are simply posthypnotic suggestions which can be successfully diffused [sic] in therapy." (23)
This one is easy to make fun of from a distance, but it's also the only place I've seen where someone dares broach this subject without shaming or sneering, so I think it's worth quoting: "You may have an alter whose function it was to have sex with animals. You may with to reconsider having pets at this time. [...] If you do have pets, and just can't bear to part with them, it's very important that you contract with the protectors in your system to protect you, your alters, and your pets." (21)
Living With Your Selves is big on contracts, and honestly, we're thinking of giving them a shot with our headmate Rawlin at some point in the future. Here's one that Hocking and "a support group for multiples I attended briefly" came up with that we're thinking of adapting (pg. 52-55):
CONTRACT FOR SURVIVAL
To cover the period of ______ to ______
I/We_________________ agree not to knowingly or intentionally cause serious or fatal bodily harm or injury, including those actions which could result therein (i.e. overdose, reckless driving, etc.) to this physical, mental, emotional or spiritual body.
I/We will not knowingly kill, physically mentally, emotionally or spiritually, ourselves or any other person or personalitiy.
As protectors, we the undersigned, to the best of our ability, agree to intervene on behalf of our other persons or personalities who may be unable or unwilling to do so, by calling and actually reaching and connecting with the support members listed on this form.
When I call a support person, I will state that I am ca ling [sic] because of the contract and we will honestly address and discuss the emotions and events that led to crisis and the possible solutions and safety measures to be taken. We will continue to pursue all phone numbers, including repetitions, until the crisis is resolved.
In the event of breaking or attempting to break this contract, professional intervention may be contacted and requested.
Anyone who has reservations about signing this contract must voice them now or you are bound by this contract for the duration of the contract period.
This contract is valid past the end date until a new contract has been negotiated or all support members of the previously agreed upon contract have been contacted and agree that relinquishment of this contract is in the best interests of the contractee.
_____________________
Signature of Host Personality
_____________________
Signatures of those who agree to intervene on behalf of the host and others in the system:
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
I object to the signing of this contract. I will discuss my reasons here:
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
These are the persons/agencies I agree to call:
Name and Phone Number
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
I, the undersigned support person(s) agree to provide emotional or physical support to the contractee within the terms of this contract. I understand the contractee may contact me any time of the day or night.
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
Hocking immediately follows with, "Now, that's a binding contract! The group spent hours on it, and I think it's a good one. Just remember that contracting is only as good as you all make it. The better you communicate, the better you can contract, and the better your life will be." (55) I agree!
I am now regretting that I didn't scan this book in its total entirety, including recommended reading, glossary, and yes, even Colin fuckin' Ross's introduction; I was in a hurry and uncertain how long it would take. That said, all the meat and potatoes of the book are in my bootleg PDF, so if you want a copy, go ahead and download it. It is very much a product of its time, and a lot of its information is outdated or has since been improved upon, but it still has gems in it that I'd say are worth looking at.
In the chapter on suicidal alters, Hocking writes, "Your abusers violated your body and split your soul into pieces. Don't let them kill you, too. I know how much this hurts. [...] I know. I know. But, my God. Life. Life is out there. Life is in here! Life is the trees and the grass and the flowers. Life is seeing my daughters grow up, and friends who love me. Life is playing with my dogs after work, and eating cheeseburgers or chocolate covered cherries. It's holding the fresh innocence of a newborn baby. Life is wondering what tomorrow brings, and then being there to find out. Life is writing this book, opening up the pages of my life. I didn't split into thirty-seven different people in order to survive just so I could kill us all later. Please. Don't let them kill you. It gets better. Honest to God, it does. And sometimes, just living is the best revenge." (24-25)
Seeing as Hocking is still alive and writing today, I would argue that she is right.
Citations
False Memory Syndrome Foundation. (2013). Early History of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation [web page]. Retrieved from https://www.fmsfonline.org/?about=EarlyHistory
Grobe, Jonathan. (1994, August 28). Dissociation/Multiple Personalities Support Newsgroup Created [Newsgroup message]. Retrieved 3/13/2019 from https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.sexual.abuse.recovery/cxSSC9a9uto/M3RuliatW2MJ
Hocking and Company, Sandra. (1992). Living With Your Selves: a survival manual for people with multiple personalities. Launch Press.
Hocking, Sandra. (1993). "Integration." Mending Ourselves: Expressions of healing & self-integration. Cincinnati: Many Voices Press. [Note: I have since given away my copy and didn't think to write down the name of her chapter, so I am guessing. Sorry!]
Hocking, Sandra. (1994). Someone I Know Has Multiple Personalities. Launch Press.
Many Voices Press. (1989, February). Many Voices: Words of Hope for Clients with MPD and Dissociative Disorders. Vol. 1, No. 1. Retrieved from http://manyvoicespress.org/backissues-pdf/1989_02.pdf
Many Voices Press. (1991, December). Many Voices: Words of Hope for Clients with MPD and Dissociative Disorders. Vol. 3, No. 6. Retrieved from http://manyvoicespress.org/backissues-pdf/1991_12.pdf
Many Voices Press. (2010). Many Voices Subject Index [web page]. Recovered from https://manyvoicespress.org/subjectindex.html
Footnote: So, getting into Colin Ross's deal would take us far into the weeds, and I haven't had the stomach to go through the almost 500 pages of data about his malpractice suits, because the top three "experts" involved with it (Richard Ofshe, Harold Merskey, and August Piper) are ALL on the advisory board of the lawsuit-happy False Memory Syndrome Foundation, and the source of data seems to be Douglas Mesner/Lucien Greaves, the Satanic Temple guy who's ALSO deep into the False Memory Syndrome thing. (Of the final two experts involved, Christopher Barden seems to legitimately be a consumer advocate, and Jonathan Werier was apparently the doctor of the writer of the tome.) I'm sorry, but I don't have it in me to go through that combo. Medical malpractice, PLUS False Memory Syndrome Foundation, PLUS a therapist I find contemptible, PLUS having to critical think very hard about every single angle of that? For 500 pages? I'd rather eat lard. But Colin Ross is a creep who tried to sign up for the James Randi prize to prove he could shoot force beams from his eyes. (And it turns out James Randi was ALSO on the FMSF advisory board, aaaagh, so it's FMSF all the way down.) That said, it is damn near impossible to get a multi citation from this time period that he HASN'T been involved with at some point. Guy is everywhere, ugh. I even was in the same room as him at a con once; dude's still around.
Hocking and Company are unusual in that she/they are/were one of the few publicly out medical-multis who managed to publish more than one book in their lifetime! (I'm going to flail at names and pronouns because integration plus multiple names means I'm not sure what the proper way to refer to Hocking is.) Hocking's full bibliography that I know of is:
- Give Me Wings! An Incest Survivor's Journal of Recovery (1990; seems to have vanished off the face of the earth, was only 48 pages according to Many Voices Press)
- Living With Your Selves (1992, as Sandra J. Hocking and Company)
- a chapter about her integration in Mending Ourselves: Expressions of healing & self-integration, by the Readers of MANY VOICES (1993, as just Sandra J. Hocking)
- Someone I Know Has Multiple Personalities (1994, as Sandra J. Hocking; you can probably skip this one)
- 37 to One: Living as an Integrated Multiple (1996, as Phoenix J. Hocking; haven't read it)
- Keno Deane and the Trouble with Teensie (2014, as Phoenix J. Hocking; fiction, haven't read it)
- Becoming Grace (2014, as Phoenix J. Hocking; fiction, haven't read it)
The cultural context of Hocking and Company
Before we dig into the content of Living With Your Selves, I want to give some context for the culture when Hocking and Company debuted her/their book.
In 1992, the only forms of medical-multi community that I know of (asides from informal friend groups where people just happened to realize they were all multiple), were therapeutic support groups, therapeutic conventions (most of which were for doctors, not patients), the Many Voices newsletter, BBS through the phone line, and alt.sexual.abuse.recovery on Usenet, which was not multi-specific. Alt.support.dissociation wouldn't exist until 1994. Neither would the soulbonders, and their discussions of fictivity and the influence of media (and they probably came later still). With the exception of support groups (the earliest record I have of one of those in 1980) and possibly conventions, all of these venues look to be less than five years old: Many Voices started up in February 1989, the first multi BBS I have record of dates from December 1991, and alt.sexual.abuse.recovery existed by December 1991.
Living With Your Selves came out in July 1992.
Please, let that information sit.
Imagine only having, at best, three years of multi community to draw from, asides from crusty old library books, many of which were written by therapists, not multiples themselves. Imagine having one semi-relevant Usenet group, one newsletter, and a phone line with which to interact with other multiples without a doctor (and their payment!) as the go-between. Multiples at this time were notorious for having horribly enmeshed, parasitic relationships with their therapists, and that's because they controlled most of the access to information about being multiple. Doctors really were the arbiters of medical-multi culture for YEARS, and that's a terrible thing! Unless you were a hardcore tech nerd (remember, this is before Google! This is before ALTAVISTA!) or lucked onto a copy of Many Voices, your ability to interact with other multiples depended on your ability to find and pay for a doctor to hook you up, and only with that doctor's oversight... unless you were extremely lucky and just blundered into knowing other multiples at your women's group or something.
With this in mind, Hocking and Company's book was revolutionary. She/they chose to make it by themselves, got a publisher, and made it happen. They have a preface from Colin Ross (footnote), but they made the book, not him.
Okay, with that stated, let's dig into some of the content of this book!
Terminology in Use:
In Living With Your Selves, "singleton" was the word of choice for singlets. (This jives with past research I've done; the first notation of "singlet" I've found is October 5, 1992, in Astraea's BBS records, coined by Astraea's ex, which Living With Your Selves predates. Since Hocking was a reader/submitter of Many Voices, it seems likely she/they picked up the word from there, and seeing as the archive is not at all screenreadable, I haven't had a chance to totally dig into that archive to track the word. "System" and "system members" are both terms used, in the same ways they are today.
Various Quotes and Bits:
A lot of Living With Your Selves shows its age, as one can only expect after thirty years. Here are some quotes that I find historically relevant and interesting:
- "Having multiple personalities does not have to be a disorder," it's "a highly creative defense mechanism." (xiii) The latter bit is a common apologetic at the time, and I think that since Hocking and Company cite the Troops for Truddi Chase's When Rabbit Howls, I assume they got the core "not a disorder" sentiment from there. (Especially since their use of a system name, rather than strictly a legal name, follows the Troops' example.)
- "I call my alters 'people,'" (17) is the earliest citation I have for this sentiment, unless I'm forgetting something from the Troops or Many Voices.
- You may have people in your system who are the opposite gender [...]. That's okay!" (21)
There are statements regarding therapy and diagnosis that I find unrealistic (such as the staunch recommendation to get a therapist, no matter the cost, and that one should NEVER attempt diagnosing/recognizing oneselves without therapeutic oversight), but there are also some really good ideas! For example: if you are queer, come out before your first appointment, so as to spare yourself some heartache and homophobia. There's also the encouragement to "develop a network of [non-shrink] people to call so you don't burn out one person. They love you, so it's difficult for them to repeatedly hear your pain. Ask them periodically if it's becoming too much for them to handle" (38). This is very good advice!
This is also the only multi book I can recall off the top of my head that gives some basic, "these are red flags, these are things therapists should NEVER do, run like hell if these ever happen" information, specifically around sexual harassment, gifts, going into business together, and so on. (pg. 41-43). It also discusses recognizing what might be your trauma talking, and what is no-kidding-for-real bad news.
Living With Your Selves doesn't quite predate the False Memory Syndrome Foundation (it reared its ugly head in March 1992, just barely before the book's release), but it does engage with the specter of false memories succinctly, but in the most down-to-earth and sensible way I've seen: "Memories are kind of like shoes; it's normal to try on somebody else's memory to see if it fits. [...] If it doesn't belong to you, eventually the memory will begin to pinch, and you'll discard it. [...] If it's your memory, you'll keep it. If it's not, you won't." (35) I don't know how well this holds up, but that's because I have had the DAMNEDEST time finding medical-multi resources that deal with false memories at all without panic and moral hysteria, thanks to folks like the False Memory Syndrome Foundation.
Hocking comes from a ritual abuse background, but discusses it pretty matter-of-factly. "Programming and brainwashing are terms that [...] seem to convey helplessness and powerlessness. In reality, programming and brainwashing are simply posthypnotic suggestions which can be successfully diffused [sic] in therapy." (23)
This one is easy to make fun of from a distance, but it's also the only place I've seen where someone dares broach this subject without shaming or sneering, so I think it's worth quoting: "You may have an alter whose function it was to have sex with animals. You may with to reconsider having pets at this time. [...] If you do have pets, and just can't bear to part with them, it's very important that you contract with the protectors in your system to protect you, your alters, and your pets." (21)
Living With Your Selves is big on contracts, and honestly, we're thinking of giving them a shot with our headmate Rawlin at some point in the future. Here's one that Hocking and "a support group for multiples I attended briefly" came up with that we're thinking of adapting (pg. 52-55):
CONTRACT FOR SURVIVAL
To cover the period of ______ to ______
I/We_________________ agree not to knowingly or intentionally cause serious or fatal bodily harm or injury, including those actions which could result therein (i.e. overdose, reckless driving, etc.) to this physical, mental, emotional or spiritual body.
I/We will not knowingly kill, physically mentally, emotionally or spiritually, ourselves or any other person or personalitiy.
As protectors, we the undersigned, to the best of our ability, agree to intervene on behalf of our other persons or personalities who may be unable or unwilling to do so, by calling and actually reaching and connecting with the support members listed on this form.
When I call a support person, I will state that I am ca ling [sic] because of the contract and we will honestly address and discuss the emotions and events that led to crisis and the possible solutions and safety measures to be taken. We will continue to pursue all phone numbers, including repetitions, until the crisis is resolved.
In the event of breaking or attempting to break this contract, professional intervention may be contacted and requested.
Anyone who has reservations about signing this contract must voice them now or you are bound by this contract for the duration of the contract period.
This contract is valid past the end date until a new contract has been negotiated or all support members of the previously agreed upon contract have been contacted and agree that relinquishment of this contract is in the best interests of the contractee.
_____________________
Signature of Host Personality
_____________________
Signatures of those who agree to intervene on behalf of the host and others in the system:
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
I object to the signing of this contract. I will discuss my reasons here:
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
These are the persons/agencies I agree to call:
Name and Phone Number
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
I, the undersigned support person(s) agree to provide emotional or physical support to the contractee within the terms of this contract. I understand the contractee may contact me any time of the day or night.
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
_____________________
Hocking immediately follows with, "Now, that's a binding contract! The group spent hours on it, and I think it's a good one. Just remember that contracting is only as good as you all make it. The better you communicate, the better you can contract, and the better your life will be." (55) I agree!
I am now regretting that I didn't scan this book in its total entirety, including recommended reading, glossary, and yes, even Colin fuckin' Ross's introduction; I was in a hurry and uncertain how long it would take. That said, all the meat and potatoes of the book are in my bootleg PDF, so if you want a copy, go ahead and download it. It is very much a product of its time, and a lot of its information is outdated or has since been improved upon, but it still has gems in it that I'd say are worth looking at.
In the chapter on suicidal alters, Hocking writes, "Your abusers violated your body and split your soul into pieces. Don't let them kill you, too. I know how much this hurts. [...] I know. I know. But, my God. Life. Life is out there. Life is in here! Life is the trees and the grass and the flowers. Life is seeing my daughters grow up, and friends who love me. Life is playing with my dogs after work, and eating cheeseburgers or chocolate covered cherries. It's holding the fresh innocence of a newborn baby. Life is wondering what tomorrow brings, and then being there to find out. Life is writing this book, opening up the pages of my life. I didn't split into thirty-seven different people in order to survive just so I could kill us all later. Please. Don't let them kill you. It gets better. Honest to God, it does. And sometimes, just living is the best revenge." (24-25)
Seeing as Hocking is still alive and writing today, I would argue that she is right.
Citations
False Memory Syndrome Foundation. (2013). Early History of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation [web page]. Retrieved from https://www.fmsfonline.org/?about=EarlyHistory
Grobe, Jonathan. (1994, August 28). Dissociation/Multiple Personalities Support Newsgroup Created [Newsgroup message]. Retrieved 3/13/2019 from https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.sexual.abuse.recovery/cxSSC9a9uto/M3RuliatW2MJ
Hocking and Company, Sandra. (1992). Living With Your Selves: a survival manual for people with multiple personalities. Launch Press.
Hocking, Sandra. (1993). "Integration." Mending Ourselves: Expressions of healing & self-integration. Cincinnati: Many Voices Press. [Note: I have since given away my copy and didn't think to write down the name of her chapter, so I am guessing. Sorry!]
Hocking, Sandra. (1994). Someone I Know Has Multiple Personalities. Launch Press.
Many Voices Press. (1989, February). Many Voices: Words of Hope for Clients with MPD and Dissociative Disorders. Vol. 1, No. 1. Retrieved from http://manyvoicespress.org/backissues-pdf/1989_02.pdf
Many Voices Press. (1991, December). Many Voices: Words of Hope for Clients with MPD and Dissociative Disorders. Vol. 3, No. 6. Retrieved from http://manyvoicespress.org/backissues-pdf/1991_12.pdf
Many Voices Press. (2010). Many Voices Subject Index [web page]. Recovered from https://manyvoicespress.org/subjectindex.html
Footnote: So, getting into Colin Ross's deal would take us far into the weeds, and I haven't had the stomach to go through the almost 500 pages of data about his malpractice suits, because the top three "experts" involved with it (Richard Ofshe, Harold Merskey, and August Piper) are ALL on the advisory board of the lawsuit-happy False Memory Syndrome Foundation, and the source of data seems to be Douglas Mesner/Lucien Greaves, the Satanic Temple guy who's ALSO deep into the False Memory Syndrome thing. (Of the final two experts involved, Christopher Barden seems to legitimately be a consumer advocate, and Jonathan Werier was apparently the doctor of the writer of the tome.) I'm sorry, but I don't have it in me to go through that combo. Medical malpractice, PLUS False Memory Syndrome Foundation, PLUS a therapist I find contemptible, PLUS having to critical think very hard about every single angle of that? For 500 pages? I'd rather eat lard. But Colin Ross is a creep who tried to sign up for the James Randi prize to prove he could shoot force beams from his eyes. (And it turns out James Randi was ALSO on the FMSF advisory board, aaaagh, so it's FMSF all the way down.) That said, it is damn near impossible to get a multi citation from this time period that he HASN'T been involved with at some point. Guy is everywhere, ugh. I even was in the same room as him at a con once; dude's still around.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 04:31 am (UTC)(Don't know how convenient it is for you to go back and scan more, but it looks like pages 64-65 were skipped.)
...My favorite line is when the author casually defines "singletons" as "people with one or fewer personalities." Definitely gonna try to remember and use that at some point.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 03:37 pm (UTC)It's basically a day trip. (If I'm going to spend two hours in transit, I might as well make sure I have a stack of tasks to do in that part of town!) But seeing how the book scanner's been abandoned both times I've used it (most people probably use their phones nowadays) and Hocking's work is not in deep demand, I could probably redo the process, doing it thoroughly this time. The scanning itself only took ten minutes; that book scanner is a wonder!
Snort. I totally missed that "one personality or less" bit. That's a good one.
There are definitely teeth-gritting parts (discussions of headmates of other ethnicities, created for racist reasons), but I'm glad I dug into the book!
Someone I Know Has Multiple Personalities is similarly short, so would also take roughly ten minutes to scan. I didn't think it worth the effort, but if others disagree, hey, I can do it. There was never an ebook edition, so for posterity alone...
no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 04:56 am (UTC)Anyways, I want to echo what Erinptah said in saying thank you for scanning what you did! I'm excited to start reading what the book has to say and, if I really enjoy it, I might consider buying it on Amazon. Apparently it's selling on there for $5.37 if you have a Prime membership, and less if you want to get a copy and just pay for traditional shipping.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 03:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 08:04 am (UTC)Wow this is really good! Our memory recon is a really different thing but this speaks to that too.
--Hikaru
no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-02 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-03 03:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-12-04 06:07 pm (UTC)- Nico
no subject
Date: 2022-12-05 03:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 05:02 pm (UTC)"Memories are kind of like shoes; it's normal to try on somebody else's memory to see if it fits. [...] If it doesn't belong to you, eventually the memory will begin to pinch, and you'll discard it. [...] If it's your memory, you'll keep it. If it's not, you won't."
This is an excellent quote, and the contract idea is a good one. Its not in vogue in the community right now to recommend formal agreements like that, but we feel like it ought to make a comeback. Formal agreements can feel like they will really stick in a way that just saying 'yeah sure' to informal ones really doesnt. It helps everyone know exactly whats expected of them and others.
Thanks for sharing!
no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 08:02 pm (UTC)Also, we once listened to a podcast about artist contracts, how people feel reluctant to make contracts with people they're friends with, and the speaker said, "the contract isn't for when things go right. They're for when things go WRONG." I feel like the same applies to system agreements. Even if everyone is well-meaning and gets along, nobody's memory is perfect, and verbal agreements can warp over time as people forget the fine details. (This goes ESPECIALLY for multis with memory issues, or where one or more headmates hoard responsibility for everything.) We swear by putting all our biggest, most important system agreements in writing, together as a group, because the writing won't change out from under us, and we can prove that we all agreed to it.
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Date: 2023-01-11 08:21 pm (UTC)Its truly unfortunate that the FMS folks have ruined the community's ability to admit when one is wrong about a memory even a little bit.
Yeah like, any given relationship is a social contract, its just an unstated, unwritten one. Putting it in writing it just helps to communicate what everyone expects out of it all and helps create a failsafe for when things go wrong.
The memory thing is especially important. Anyone with memory issues should be keeping as many things as possible in writing, especially multi folks. Putting relationship expectations in writing can really help keep things clear.
There is also this stigma that relationships (friendship, familial, romantic, or otherwise) should have every person in them just intuit what is expected from the other party instead of sitting down and actually hashing it out and agreeing to it and we would say that this stigma really contributes to why people are hesitant to really formalize social contracts like this- people arent even used to *talking* about what they expect/want, much less actually formally putting it in writing.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-11 11:17 pm (UTC)Our memory isn't even that bad, but we still keep everything in writing because we've found that if we aren't careful, our memory tends to reliably, quietly distort to make us remember us as being shittier than we are. We remember ourself as being a screaming douchebag, then when we look at the actual records of the time, it's us being like, "I'm mad at you. Please don't do that." It's part of why we're so obsessive about our records.
Also, even if having a twenty-page color-coded journal fight where every headmate filibusters over what to eat for dinner that day, at least we can absolutely prove that we hashed out EVERYTHING afterward.
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Date: 2023-01-12 03:57 pm (UTC)Our memory is around 'bullet points of what happened plus random sensory snippets' for things we were actually present for, and only rarely dips below that for certain folks, so we keep as much in writing or digital records as possible too. For us the major problem is more forgetting what other people or us have said Exactly instead of the gist and 'emotional flavor' we got from the conversation(which may or may not be accurate) and then getting into a mess because the exact wording threw itself out of our brain in less than an hour and no one can retrieve it.
Yeah haha, that is the huge pro of journal setups, that you can prove that things were discussed. We have a separate logbook, to-do list, and discussion journal ourselves so we can find each kind of info we need. One of our eventual WIPs is going to be system journal/log setup ideas of various intensity because of how dead useful things like that are.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-20 03:37 pm (UTC)